ghost castle

drugged up trainwreck

i thik im disappearing. parts of me are becoming parts of others. my hands belong elsewhere. my mouth won’t open, even for the laugh that the thought makes me want to belt out. im sure even if i wanted to open my eyes i coulnd’t. they’re welded together, to me, to the field.

im nothing but a thought. a soul i guess. i am a moment, knowing itself, feeling the warmth around it. now there’s no movement. the swirling is gone. the tearing stopped as there’s nothing eleft to tear. i am alone in an endless light. it sparkles with joy and it dims with sadness, revealing such wondrous depth and hue that i feel joined with. understood by.

the word nirvana drifts through me. So does heaven. paradise. fulfillment, a million others. but they fade away like the rest of me. the nowhere i am cant be named. it doesnt deserve one. it deserves to sstay mysical, unreal, unknown. like the true nature of life. understanding doesn’t use words. it can’t.

i move, wisplike and thin, to where i am supposed to be now. it’s a strange and unfamiliar color, a light that doesnt shine but engulfs. im scared, but i know i’ll be okay.

it’s where i belong, after all.

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