ghost castle


maybe i cut the bars keeping my blood inside

or maybe i give myself a serrated tracheotomy

maybe i eat a bowl of pills like rice

or maybe i have a gunmetal lollipop

maybe i hit the gas and play chicken with a wall

or maybe i walk straight into traffic

maybe i hook my car's exhaust up to a respirator

or maybe i do square breathing with a carbon monoxide leak

maybe i meditate in a flaming home

or maybe i let the stove top brew up a fireball

maybe i disappear into the woods like my old cat smokey

or maybe i sit at the bottom of the pool like my old dog pepper

maybe i schedule a mass text for five minutes after

or maybe i just leave a note on my desk

maybe i update the site for the last time

or maybe i pull the whole thing offline

but probably i'll stay here, as will the site

probably it'll happen decades down the line, for god knows what reason

but probably it won't be me

in the end, it will probably be disease.