ghost castle


is this site pointless?

i can't help but think it. whenever those words pop up in my head, "ghost castle", my mind is full of thoughts flying every which way about its use or helpfulness. why do i keep it? why do i make it public? why not write it all just for myself?

i want to be known. i want people to understand what i'm thinking, maybe even relate to it. i want to be understood by someone, anyone, even if it's by someone i will never meet or speak to in my life. but even as the views on the site go up, even though there's a spike every time i write an entry, i can't help but thinking. . . is anyone actually reading? knowing? am i just shouting into a void? conversing with a mirror?

i don't know. i've ignored my own thoughts and feelings for so long. others have ignored my thoughts and feelings for so long. i'm afraid that i'll never be acknowledged, that i'll never be seen. i'm afraid that nothing i ever do or say can convince someone that i'm worth something. i'm not just a shadow. i'm a full-fledged light. i swear i am. but is it too dim? does it flicker too much? am i just gonna be replaced? is everyone just gonna watch the ember fade?

S.O.S. is there anyone out there?

email me //