i don't have the energy to do the formatting

i haven't thought of anything but death for the last month.it keeps me up at night. my sleep is fucked because i cant sleep. im sleeping like 3 hours at a time at some point between 5 am and noon and i have been for weeks. the fatigue makes it hard to do anything, even just make sentences.

i am trying to see a diagnostician. there is something wrong with me more than just depression and anxiety. i'm not getting the help i need. i never have. even when i tried. even though i'm trying now. everything i've done, i'm still at square one. i don't know how to feel about that. bad.

it's been nearly a year since the last time i spoke with any of my friends. nearly a year straight of complete silence. it hurts so much. i don't have any way right now to connect with anyone. i'm trapped at my home. the only people who pay me any mind are strangers on the internet that don't know my face. i really need a hug.

i don't know what else to say. sorry.