slowly getting back to normal. or whatever. not normal. slowly getting back to okay. thanks in part to a few key people around me, and some good media, and something i hadn't expected to see again for a long time: my creative drive.
i like making webpages. but the scope of this site is limited. i thought, maybe i could expand the site to cover more topics? but that would compromise the purpose of the site, of having a specific, anonymous space i could go to with my rough thoughts. it was never really meant to be more than that.
i ended up working til about 6am on a site i wasn't sure i even wanted to upload. it bore the name "ghost castle" up until the very end, but it never felt right. the more i wrote about things i like, the more i chipped away at my level of anonymity. i could see people i know seeing the pages and just knowing it was me. so i changed the name, and the site's up now.
maybe i was overthinking the whole thing. how many names have i used online? i'm always worried about "losing my anonymity," of leaving this public trail that can be pieced together to connect everything i've ever put online in my life. i always make layer upon layer, mask upon mask. that thought was in my head when i was talking to the key people earlier, mask upon mask. i was especially critical last night of what i said, and of what what i said said.
it's just bullshit. it doesn't matter. at the end of the day, still have key people. still have my different names. still making something again. feels nice.