ghost castle

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i'm lost. i don't know where i am. i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say.

the world is cold pale blue. it flickers and blinds and guides. i remember when the world was thick and green and deep, deep blue. but now the world is very small. it's as small as a house, smaller even; a tiny empty room that i somehow still got lost in.

there is such an unsurmountable distance between us. i am gone from everyone. i miss the voices. i didn't know i could ever be this alone. i didn't know it could last this long. i didn't know it could hurt this bad. what do i do? the pale blue light is the only option. on the other side of the pale blue light is the entire world, so many people. but on this side of the pale blue light is me. real hands, real heart, real distance. i dont know if you can build a bridge with words on a screen.

i can't get my words out. this is a shadow of what i wanted to write. i'm losing this too.

every fucking where i turn theres reminders of how far gone i am. reminders of my loneliness and isolation. reminders of my depressions and anxieties. reminders of my mental roadblocks and trapdoors. reminders of my own physical flaws and inadequacies. everything tells me that i'm worthless. everything tells me i'll never be a real person, i'll never have a real life, i'll never feel real love, i'll never feel alright again.