ghost castle

in between II

god, this feeling is horrific. this ache for something that isn't there. this desperation for something i don't have. this stunning, crushing loneliness. there's a burning bonfire in my chest and i have nothing to do with it, nowhere to go.

i've written before about wanting to be loved. it's something i've felt so often lately, having only a few months ago truly realized that i do deserve to be loved. i've never felt romantic love. but right now, it's all i can think about. i feel the loneliness seeping deeper into me with every passing minute. i feel it like a poison eating away at my insides. even though i'm on fire i still feel so fucking cold.

i wish i knew how to use this hurt as fuel for my growth, as a specific reason to try. but i'm not sure it's the kind of hurt that can be used. it might just be hurt that cripples, and nothing more.

someone make it stop. please.