ghost castle

in between

in-between times like this are always hard, i've found. in some ways they're harder than the down times. when i feel like shit, at least i don't want to see anyone, i don't want to talk. and i can very easily isolate myself.

and then, in the up times, when i do want to to be around people, i am around people. in the up times things are good, inside and out. that's why they're the up times.

but in-between times are like torture. i want to talk but there's no voice to hear. i want to see but there's no one's gaze to meet. i want to be touched but there's no one nearby. i'm so much better than i was just a few weeks ago. i have plans to get even better than i am now. and i'm confident i'll make progress in these plans, because i'm already making progress now. and i know that in the future, not that far in the future probably, i'll have everything that i currently pine for.

but right now, all i can see is the distance between us.