you idiot. you stupid fucking son of a bitch.
look how hard you tried. look at all the effort you've spent convincing yourself something good would happen. convincing yourself to get excited. your irresponsible imagination frolicking like a child in the meadow, carefree and hopeful and dreamy. counting down the days til nothing.
you thought things would be different? ha. they won't be. they are the way they are because you are you. so how could they change? you gonna stop being you? good luck with that. prick. stay alone. stay cold. stay all these things you are. they are you. you are them. prick.
you won't feel what you want to feel. you won't be what you want to be.