ghost castle

the first truly cold day

how many times have a typed the word "cold" on this site? probably more times than i've typed the word "the." but that was through the spring, the summer, autumn. now the temperature is actually dropping. the spiritual cold is met with physical cold. winter months are defined by longing, and lacking. and right when it starts getting cold, i always seem to get myself wrapped in some kind of drama that leaves me more alone than i usually would be. somehow i consistently alienate the few people close to me just before the first truly cold day. it's almost funny. i feel like i'm on a precipice and i can't help but laugh, weakly, tired, resigned to the growing nights and dwindling days of shivering skin and chattering teeth; of frigid fingers like knuckled icicles; of quiet moments mummified in blankets, while space heaters melt my snowy eyes.