ghost castle

dumbass fantasies

i need to get my imagination under control.

it will latch on to anything you give it. any little kernel. any bit of hope, any bit of good, it will take it and spin it into an entire novel. it will imagine for me entire futures that aren't gonna happen, based on present things that don't exist. it gives me everything i've ever wanted based on almost nothing. friends, careers, lovers, accolades, journeys, sins, redemptions. all fake. but written so well, so detailed.

i give it a name, it gives me a history. i give it a face, it gives me a smile. i give it a compliment, it gives me an award, or recognition. or love. i give it a problem, it pulls it to its very worst ending, and then tells me how to conquer it. i have everything, but only in my imagination.

it hurts, it's bad to linger on, and i want it to stop. i'm sick of it.