am i even alive today? sure doesn't feel like it. it's like i'm in a dream. it's a boring, bland dream with flat lighting and muted colors. i can't feel my body. i'm not hungry or thirsty or anything. i'm adrift. my mind is empty. there's a vague sense of giving up in my chest. a fatigued sorrow that this is what it is and a resignation, as well, that this is what it is. there isn't any hope or drive to change. there isn't any thoughts of tomorrow or the day after. i'm in an endless second, trapped between heartbeats, stuck between breaths.