ghost castle

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all gone away

i built a lot of good this year. it's all gone away now. all the hope, all the confidence, the will to try. it's all gone gray.

i don't have strength or courage. i don't have breath in my lungs. there's dust in my veins as all my spirit spills on the floor and slows to a metronome drip-drip-drip from the tip of my finger. the lights kick on and the music starts, but i'm not at the microphone.

visceral thoughts stab at my mind in dense and dreadful moments of silence. music does nothing. i can't relate to it anymore. i can't relate to anything. i'm slipping back into bad habits. i'm prisming my thoughts into a dozen pathetic actions and saying here, you make sense of it. but who am i talking to? no one.

happy birthday.